He called his dog ‘honour’

Was going to be that
or Rosemary; something like that,

Treats her like a queen
hidden in a cage
Running for money on racetracks designed to serve the privileged kinds

Opened to the starlets
greedy western world
We exist in

And Honour; She peeked at me through barricades of her cage

Eyes deep brown clear fearful yet loving

Pretty sure she wanted out of there

That cage

A little like a deer’s eyes

So excruciatingly tender

Souls barely audible
yet so very much still

is the honour in that?

Going through life
Existing as a struggle
Anxiety accepted as ‘normal’ by now

Whereas if people weren’t such cunts one would not have to submit to antidepressant antianxiety or anti psychotic medication
To get by
As a feeler

So not caused by her in the firstplace

That hurts

” In hiding behind veils ”

un necessary
for lover’s of transparency

We do exist

and those edges without edges…


I get a little sick of reading about beautiful people
Suffering still
From unresolved childhood trauma

Sounds cut deep to expose and render relationship flaws dysfunctions
such as sex for default settings
to avoid pain
We cannot
Or do not want
To face..

I see her eyes and her dimple her large voice like her heart and rapturous love in life

She is cool on first meet

I tend to go by this…

I liked her

She is strong when all is
On HeR own terms

Maybe not so when thrown or has to work a little harder for things

Energy potent

so much so sometimes
it bursts with over flowing

You are in
Or not

No real in betweens

When she is on
she is the party for all
It is invigorating

When off
look out

So I cascade down the remnants bursting with love

To be her sister friend
gain some kind of childlike approval

Or tick. Yep you’re in. I get it…this can work

” Loud love

I get sucked in

Every time. ”

Quiet love
Keeps me whole…

Her love so vivacious and real yet mistrust and protective mechanism of familials
Run so deep

I am spat out like a shadow with no meaning

Like cream gone off

That no longer exists

Until HER boundaries become clear again

If they ever do

I see her face


Is me

Tender with childlike wonder
Blue eyes thick hair
Sporty body

Free farm kid

She was in heaven

On earth

Most of the time

” You see..it was so simple ”

It still is
So very simple

It was afterschool
Bus home
Big walk for small feet up the limestone hill

She had just been promised a surprise if she did an errand for her big brother

So of course;
She did

May have felt like a bribe
She had encountered plenty before

But ohhh; this was so much more


Magic can happen when we


Child like innocence

So..Up to the shed to feed the chooks
collect the eggs
Then messy meat to feed the dogs

Upon returning to the farmhouse
Her brother’s face beamed with expectant significance

This delight that we return to

He had round cheeks deep eyes
One blue one green and big soft beautiful hands

I have forgotten
what they move like by now

He was so happy and proud.

So gorgeous

It really was so cute

Like he had won some race
Me at the finish line

He too the winner

providing nurturing

That delicious formula for life

It is all really

And was all
for his little sister

No agenda

Both too young to know betrayal

” it seemed
And was
pure innocence ”

Fairy bread was the prize

Love the conjuit.

Fresh home cooked bread margarine and hundreds and thousands
On top

Fairy bread the magnificent remembered forever prize

And this my friends

I swear; was

And still is

Liquid gold

Such a sweet offering


a memory etched forever
In tanned forearms and aging veins

I always ache


it is who keeps me awake at 3 am

mid dreaming

Do you see it
Do you feel it
Do you want it…

So beautiful

To believe

In the good things

Thank you
I love you

I do.

1 thought on “Honour….”

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